Wednesday, November 14, 2007

My Heavenly Father

OK, so it has been an emotional 2 weeks for me (must be PMS-ha). This is going to be very difficult to write but I know that writing this will be part of the process. I'm not sure why the Lord is having me re-visit this part of my life but He is! My parents divorced when I was 10. After that I did not have much of a relationship with my Father. I have some good memories and I lived with him for a few years in junior high school. When I hit high school, college, and beyond that is when I really started thinking about it and how it affected my life. A couple of weeks ago I read a post by Heather that started all the emotions again. I was so struck by that post. After that I heard a beautiful song by Alison Krauss on the GMA awards about her father (Simple Love). Then, my friend's Dad had a heart attack while going home from work and is in ICU. He is such a good man. She told me a story about how he would get up at 4:00 in the morning to make her pancakes on days that she had a tennis match. How cool is that? All these things together got me asking the questions again:

How could a man leave a beautiful wife and 3 children?
How could he barely give my Mom enough to live on?
How can you go through life not being a part of your children's lives?
Even worse, how could you not take time for your grandchildren?

I am thankful for what I have been through. I know it made me the person I am today. I know my children will never go through what I did. All I can do now is be a part of his life the best way I know how. I think the Lord is taking me through this to make it FRESH to me that HE IS MY HEAVENLY FATHER and will always be here for me no matter what. One day, He will say to me: "Come here my daughter. Here is a hug from your Heavenly Father."

Mom, if you are reading this-thank you for raising three children alone and what a great job you did!

Also, thank you Jess for the reminder in your post: Letter From Your Heavenly Father!

Click here to read more Thankful Thursdays.


Nise' said...

Michelle, I hear your heart. My parents divorced when I was 3 and my father was totally absent and we experienced your questions. I was able to talk with my dad before he died and God brought such peace to the relationship and circumstances. I didn't want to do it, but I did and I am so thankful the God provided the opportunity. He is the restorer of broken relationships! Continue to rely on Him as He is working something out in your life. You will be blessed because of it.

Crystal said...

Thanks so much for sharing in the middle of your questions! You have blessed me by sharing this week!

Cheryl said...

It is so good to know that God is our Father and that He loves us very much. I did not get to live with my dad as my parents divorced when I was 2, but I did get to share good times with him. Thanks for sharing. God Bless!

ellen b said...

Praying God continues to comfort you and that He strengthen you and annoints you with His joy! Have a wonderful Thanksgiving with the ones you love and care for...

Denise said...

Bless your beautiful heart, I understand how you feel. My parents divorced when I was 11, my dad wants nothing to do with me. My mom was both parents to me, she passed away last april. I will be praying for you.

BP said...

That is just a beautiful post. It made me think of the Beth Moore study "Breaking Free" and how God can use the trials we go through to turn "beauty from ashes."

Jess said...

Wow. Yeah, I can see now why my post the other day was meaningful! I had no idea you had all that on your heart! But, thank you for sharing it with us.

Lynn said...

Bet this was really hard to write. I recently found healing in the same regard. It took years.

Thank you for sharing your heart.

jodi said...

I finally had a chance to read this. By reading some of the other comments it makes me realize how thankful I need to be that my parents did not divorce. I'll be praying for you Friend.

Amy said...

Michele, I hear you. My parents divorced when I was a senior in high school. While I am extremely close to my dad, my mother is another story! And it doesn't seem to get any easier, no matter how much older I am or that I have kids of my own. Does it? Having my own children sometimes makes it harder because I feel for them and me now! Anyway, I'm glad you shared this post. I pray you'll have sweet peace!

Rena said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Rena said...

Dear Michele. I have wondered for a long time about the things that are troubling you. I have concluded that when we go through years of sorrow we learn somewhere on the way that everyone suffers through some period of his/her life. I have also learned that the life we think “others” are leading may not be what we think; in addition, their valley may be just ahead! Some never come out of the valley once they journey into it.
Whatever we are going through is our own pain. We look at others dealing with illness, etc., but our hurt is just as deep for us as the one going through what we perceive to be more than we are going through.
I feel that we have been in our valley, and that we are now approaching the top of the mountain, and that contentment and deep satisfaction is ahead for us. My valleys were earlier sad years and the divorce that hurt you children so very much. I know I had lessons to learn and I made mistakes that I now regret.
Your father really loved you children when we were together as a family, and I know he loves you now. He spanked you once, but never again because you cried until you snubbed. He broke your heart! He only spoke to discipline you from then on and that was enough. It worked! Your relationship with him was sweet to behold at the time.
If we could go back, there would be no divorce. We both know that we cannot imagine all that has been lost. I have told you that I feel that I could have stopped it. However, God tells us that he will restore what the locust has stolen and that each day is a new beginning. He makes all things right. My prayer is that he will draw your father's eyes toward his children and his grandchildren before his life is over. What has happened, happened, and we can only move forward with gratitude for all the blessings that have come our way.
Someday in Heaven, we will have complete knowledge, we will see clearly the reasons we endured pain in this life, and it will not matter to us then. He will dry our tears and we will be together forever. This is why He tells us to cry at a birth and rejoice when a loved ones goes home. It must be wonderful and it is eternal. This life is only a testing ground to see if we choose the Christian walk to the end regardless of the grief we endure in this temporal abode. He also tells us that His yolk is light and he will carry all our burdens for us while we are down here.
The enjoyment of having you for a daughter is one of my greatest joys. Your life and the way you live it certainly is one that any parent would covet as a gift. I admire your high energy level, your willpower, your resolve to be a good steward of God’s provision for you, and your determination to do the right thing always.
Anyone walking in God's light and walking down the path He has provided has “made it” in this life, and this is the way I see your life! I believe our Heavenly Father desires that you “rejoice each day and be happy in it” because I truly feel that he experiences joy when he looks down at you.
Your blog is wonderful. I love you very much. Mom